World Cup Predictions (Results)


So sad it’s all over…

The World Cup is over. It’s very sad.. but lets see how sad my predictions turned out.

Predicted Group Winners
A – Brazil
B – Netherlands
C – Japan
D – Italy
E – France
F – Argentina
G – Germany
H – Belgium

Six out of Eight – that’s alright. Only Italy and Japan I got shockingly wrong.

Dead Last (lowest Goal Difference)
Oooh.. I don’t know. I can’t see any North Korea style shambles. Lets say Iran

Nope. It was Cameroon. Flip Sake, Iran even got a point.

When England will be knocked out…
Second Round

Nope. Actually it was after their second game so I was half right

Suarez … again. Though hopefully Balotelli does something insane too.

Initially it was going to be Honduras for their fouling ways. But Luis went and won it for me. Plus Balotelli joined the party too.

Golden Boot:
Agurrero – only because I’ve £2 on him (12-1)

Nope. Not even one sodding goal!

Argentina – only because I’ve £6.50 on them (9-2)

Close. What could have been, eh?

So there it is – I knew sod all about football. So do most people though, at least I can admit it.

Anyway, see you in four years…


World Cup predictions

Hey! Remember I did the F1 Predictions? (Note, not doing to bad eh?). Well as my football knowledge isn’t as strong these days, for a laugh, lets make some guesses predictions and see how stupid I look in a months time – and this time I have (a little bit of) money on it!


Group Winners
A – Brazil
B – Netherlands
C – Japan
D – Italy
E – France
F – Argentina
G – Germany
H – Belgium

Dead Last (lowest Goal Difference)
Oooh.. I don’t know. I can’t see any North Korea style shambles. Lets say Iran

When England will be knocked out…
Second Round

Suarez … again. Though hopefully Balotelli does something insane too.

Golden Boot:
Agurrero – only because I’ve £2 on him (12-1)

Argentina – only because I’ve £6.50 on them (9-2)

20140611-165455-60895038.jpgSee you in a month…

7. Go to a United match

Work had put out an interest circular for a week of testing a new system in Manchester. I checked the dates and there was a United match at Old Trafford on that week so I applied immediately. A few other work chums had the same idea and luckily for us we were the only ones who applied.

Once I got confirmation I was going I was straight onto the United website to check availability of tickets. Thankfully, they were playing the mighty force of Otelul Galati, therefore it wouldn’t sell out (we only got word we were going a week before!). The consensus between was was to go for the cheapest tickets together. I went online that night and booked them for the East Stand.
I was very exited! Though being the glass half empty type, I wasn’t going to be confident until I was sitting in my seat (the same sort ofway I was when I got my Grand Prix tickets). The tickets were to be posted the next day and were to be posted to my billing address (my folks house) and there was a chance I wouldn’t receive them before I flew out, luckily I could get duplicates over there if need be.

The Friday before we flew out we had a meeting with the people organising the testing. It was mainly about what work entailed that week and blah blah blah… but more importantly we would find out about accomondation etc. Earlier in the week we had been told we were staying in the Ramada in Salford (approx 1.5miles from Old Trafford), but during the meeting they found out that it was booked up and they were trying to get a booking at Premier Inn Old Trafford.

We got back to the office and looked it up. It was even closer to the stadium! By the end of the day we got confirmation the hotel was booked and got our flight detials! Plus I got word that my tickets arrived at home. It all was falling into place!

Monday came and after a few pints in the hotel bar we boarded our George Best plane. Later on we arrived at the hotel and to our suprise Old Trafford was literally across the road! I could even see it from my hotel room! Hotel was great to. At the stair case there were photographs of United greats such as Nicky Butt, Raymond Van der Gogh etc

Room with a view

Wednesday came and after work we walked around the stadium for a bit and it was already starting to get busy. Had a walk around the mega store which was bunged. The scarf sellers, fanzine sellers and burger vans were getting ready already and some people were just walking about. We all headed back to the hotel to freshen up and reconvined some time later.

When we headed back it was even busier. Got some gravy chips from a halariously named chip van and bought a “Manchester United v Otelul Galati” scarf. Got a programme too and hung about outside the stadium for a bit.

When waiting for the gates to open I Thai man came up to me with a microphone and his mate with a camera and asked me “for a couple of questions”. Who was I to refuse?

Camera was pointed at the crest of my jersey and zoomed out to me and the interviewer. He spoke some random Thai and then asked me “How do you feel about the match?”
Me :”erm.. very excited.. can’t wait..”
Interviewer: “What will the score be?”
Me: “four nil”
Interviewer: “Who will score?”
Me: “Rooney and Hernandez” (my predictions were half right)
The interviewer tried to close his piece but I think I ruined it by talking to him and walking away.

He then came back to me and said they had the only United Fanzine in Thailand and asked me to pose with it for a photo. Once again I duley obliged.

Photo by @alistairnicholl

So I’m now famous in Thailand. Probably.

Soon after the gates opened and we went into the stadium to our seats. There were people walking on the pitch in suits, possibly Otelul Galati players, but couldn’t make out for sure. Checked twitter for team sheets and was excited to see three forwards (Didn’t realise Rooney would be in Midfield) and expected a goal fest! The stadium then started to slowly fill up and as it got fuller my 3G got slower!

As I had a bit of time before kick off I went and got a pie (I didn’t want to wait to half time less I be part of the prawn sandwhich brigade!). Peppered steak. Very tasty. While I ate it I watched MUTV on one of the televisions.

Back in the stand and the Galati players came out to warm up to cheers to their tiny section of noisey supporters, and indifference to the home fans. The players seemed to appriciate the fact they traveled from Romania to see them and walked to the away section and applaued. The United players soon followed for their warm up and there were cheers for them.

After the warm ups a giant Champions League logo was placed in the centre circle and soon it was announced the players were in the tunnel. The teams came out and lined up for the Champions League anthem. Goosebumps! I tried singing along, but I don’t have the range!

The match got underway and within ten minutes there was a goal at our end! Excellent! Sadly it wasn’t a sign of a goal fest as the rest of the game was a scappy affair. I’m not a reporter so read a Match report here or here. I remember getting annoyed at Berbatov a few times and Johnny Evans the whole way through, however was mightily impressed with Phil Jones.

Wasn’t very loud at our end either though throughout a group of kids infront of us kept singing the Wayne Rooney/White Pelé song, I wouldn’t have minded but it was only that. I did enjoy a rendition of “Park, Park, wherever you may be..” when Park came on! Another person, who was at the testing with us, was at the Stretford end insisted they were singing the whole game.

It wasn’t a classic and will probably be forgotten by most who watched it but as it was my first time at a game I won’t forget.

Afterwards I got back to the hotel and watched the end of the City game ITV were showing and watched the hilights later on in my choice of nightware. ITV’s hilights consisted of barely three minutes of the game. Useless fuckers! Infairness there were not that many hilights of that game but then why have pundits talk shite for ages and show loads of adverts..? Fucking useless!


an unofficial biography of kieth gillespie

I wrote this on Uncyclopedia ages ago. McKay added a bit afterwards.
Just updated it today with a line or two.

Can be found here.

Keith Gillespie

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Keith Robert the Bruce Gillespie – the love child of George Best and Dame Mary Peters. He was immaculately conceived after a wild night in Munich (1972) after Dame Mary had won her Olympic Gold Medal.


After thirty six months in the womb, Keith finally was born on 18 February 1975, with a full set of teeth and an extra few chromosomes. He was named after the Patron Saint of Five a Day.

After a bout of postnatal depression, Dame Mary couldn’t cope with the stigma of raising such an odd smelling baby. So at four weeks old Dame Mary shaved and washed the infant Keith, then abandoned him outside a monastery on Belfast’s Donegall Pass.

Within the monastery he was baptized with the surname Gillespie, which means “Cracker Ninja”. Being raised by the Shaolin monks sparked his live long love for Budda and also being athletic. After learning how to balance on the point of a sword at 13, he took an interest of football.

Early Football Career

At 16 then left the monastery to join a local football team, The Ulster Defence Association. Gillespie being a footballing show off, even that early in his career, he didn’t really fit in with the the teams “defensive tatics” and after six months he bombed and was shot out of the team.

Manchester United

Paul Parker: Actual Double Winner and Kieth Gillespie “Look-a-like”

In 1992, Keith tried to join Manchester United but couldn’t get signed. He got his break when, Frenchman, Eric Cantona joined the club. According to his autobiography, Gillespie just “snuck in behind Cantona, when no one was looking!”. Gillespie had now made it and his 3 day dream had come true.

Luck paid a huge part to play in Gillespie’s United career, especially that manager, Alexander Charlie Chalk Ferguson, didn’t actually know who Gillespie was, and just assumed it was Paul Parker (due to their uncanny likeness!).

In 1993, Ferguson finally caught on to Gillespie’s scam and sent him to Wigan on loan. At the time, Fergusson was quoted in the press, saying “I had to get that f**king tube out of my sight!”

In 1994, Manchester United won the league and cup double. Despite playing no part in this achievement, whatsoever, Gillespie, to this day, still maintains he is a “Double Winner”.

In 1995, Ferguson finally did the sensible thing and made Gillespie some other club’s problem!

Rubbish Clubs

Since his “glory days” at United, Gillespie has been tossed off to several clubs. Each manager felt Gillespie was a liabilty. Kevin Keegan has been quoted, saying “Gillespie is a f**cking physco!”. While Keegan managed him at Newcastle United, Gillespie played a total of 12 games for the club and earned himself the nickname “Razz-a-matazz” for his undying belief that he was the worlds most skillful footballer. In those twelve games he twirled around the ball 62497 times, becoming a world-recorder holder. He also fell over after 62496 of those twirls which is also a world record. Gillespie claims to have no knowledge of these falls, claiming he will “glass” anyone who mentions it.

His only real success since leaving United, and his “double win”, came in 2003 when he joined Leicester City. At City he lived up to the success of City legend, Gary Lineker by stealing many a bag of crisps!

Up to 2008 he was emplyoed by Sheffield United, in a scheme funded by the Northern Ireland Assembly, costing the tax payer a reported £750,000. Martin McGuinness had lobbied against this scheme on the grounds of sectarian conduct, claiming that Tony Cascarino should have received the same treatment. Tony Cascarino had been retired for 7 years.

In 2009, Gillespie signed for Glentoran. He became the Irish League’s highest profile player. However, he also ranked high in the Irish League’s embarassments, second only to Glen Ferguson.

Northern Ireland

Gillespie, has been crowned “Northern Ireland’s Greatest Footballer Of All Time Ever” (NIGFOATE), and uses every opportunity to put this title after his name. Even to the extent of having the title on his cheque book! Though some cynics suggest he only runs up and down the wing and has never made a respectable contribution to Northern Irish football! David Healy recently challenged Gillespie to a fight for the NIGFOATE title and won after the ghost of George Best interfered on behalf of Gillespie with a chair although Gillespie kept the title as it cannot change hands after a disqualification as decreed by Lawrie Sanchez.

Once he won the title Konami rewarded him with the only player Northern Ireland to spin around with the ball in the computer game Pro Evolution Soccer 3. Gillespie has since denied the existence of any football game since.

Social Life

Gillespie has many celebrity friends, including Julian Simmons, Ashley Cole, Factor and Jonny Adair to name but a few.

He also has a few celebrity enemies, such as Gary Lightbody and Alex Masky.

Other interests

Gillespie is a budding singer-songwriter and once he (finally) retires from football, will like to release a Country/Slide album.

He has also has done some acting roles, such as “Uncle Andy” in Northern Ireland comedy show “Give My Head Peace” and one of the turtles in the Diet Coke adverts!